Defeat

I sat there with my head down, my body sank into the floor as gravity chained my limbs to the ground. My mind detached from reality as I watched my flesh succumb to my actions, omission of responsibility. Hope defeated and angst taking its place as defeat called my name for the first time. A trail of warm tears rolled down my cheek as my head hung low, a start to my second life.

We all have two lives’, the second one begins when you realize you only have one.

There will be days when you want to call in sick, when your why for doing what you’re doing no longer satisfies your reason to endure what, when giving up makes sense.

The feeling of defeat often pairs with loneliness, a nasty couple. At times you’ll feel alone, like no one understands. It’s when our thoughts and feelings make no sense to others, when they are not accepted that makes us feel isolate, not physical distance.

Why me? We ask, as if the suffering were in the hands of another it would be ok, someone else’s burden to bear.

What’s your why? Your reason for moving forward, that thing inside of you that yearns for your success, the reason you kept it up this far; not the fear of disapproval but the dream, the vison you so beautifully painted of yourself giving the world the best of you. That’s your why, that, that is yours and yours only, neither life nor any being can take that from you. That “why” is what God’s backing up, support him, support you.

Your dream and plan are not the same thing, your journey, your plan felt the pain of tribulation. Your vision, your goal yet interrupted by the obstacles in your way. Your pursuit is the act of painting on a canvas, the vision untouched, it’s yet to make its way onto the canvas.

An opportunity to adjust, recalculate, and learn something that you don’t know. You took a miscalculated step, omitted a necessary fact of reality, poorly executed. That is ok, you are human. This moment is beautiful, why? It’s an opportunity to put more tools in your toolbox, to learn how to mess up just a little bit less next time, an opportunity to show your grit.

Your pain is normal, feel it, understand it. There is no shame in feeling defeated and at time lost, it comes with big dreams. Ask yourself “what is the smallest step I can take towards my goal?” It’s a marathon not a sprint. Write one letter, break down your fears, “what do I need to do right now to get what I need next”? Growth is like a stock chart, you’re up and down, but it’s in the long run that counts.

“He who has a why can bear almost any how”